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JohnQ  
#1 Posted : Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:18:53 AM(UTC)
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Sincere 40+ Federal employee seeking any good Federal HR managers advice. Currently single professional federal worker and have a really positive mutual chemistry and mutual attraction to another single Federal emplyee in same agency. We dont have any oversight in any capacity of each others duties and are not involved in each others reporting chain. I am at a higher grade (GS) level by about 3 grades (15 to 12). My mutual interest has been employed at the agency longer than I by about 4 years, so we had nothing to do with each others employement. we simply truly just met at work and are both single and have a mutual interest in each other. Just seeking any advice on where i can find the general Federal rules/regulations that address possible relationships in the workplace. Thanks for any info assistance.
Vettor  
#2 Posted : Tuesday, March 20, 2012 12:46:28 PM(UTC)
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It really depends.  Are you both Veterans?  

Veteran unemployment to 0%.
Knight  
#3 Posted : Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:55:25 PM(UTC)
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Man

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There is nothing stopping you but .... If it implodes and gets messy one of you may need to consider changing jobs. I've seen divorced couples work fine in the same building but I know of one set that did a scorched earth warfare approach on each other and one was fired.

It is best not to date in house but in the end the decision is yours. Take care.

Jim1348  
#4 Posted : Tuesday, March 20, 2012 11:22:41 PM(UTC)
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When I started local government service 30 years ago I was warned about "dipping my pen in the office ink!"  Be careful and hope for the best!
GSBS  
#5 Posted : Wednesday, March 21, 2012 1:40:33 AM(UTC)
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My Supervisor sold me Weed
edalder  
#6 Posted : Wednesday, March 21, 2012 2:08:45 AM(UTC)
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If you are not in each other's reporting chain, you probably are OK legally.
 
As someone observed, if the relationship blossoms for a time, but then comes to an end, it can get messy.
 
However, there have been married couples employed by my agency.  I am convinced that most of them met at work. If your agency is reasonably large, it should be possible for the agency to assign both of you in a way that would avoid "conflict of interests", so to speak.
 
It could get problematic if you really work for a very small agency.
Kivi
JohnQ  
#7 Posted : Wednesday, March 21, 2012 2:45:20 AM(UTC)
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Thanks all, Vettor no, not veterans.  Does anyone know where any "written" guidance information releated to this topic can can located for Federal employees? ie a referenced federal document?
coolandcalm  
#8 Posted : Wednesday, March 21, 2012 3:11:14 AM(UTC)
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Quote:
The federal government has settled on a simpler solution. It does
not bar its 1.8 million civilian employees around the nation from
dating, although individual agencies can add their own restrictions.


"It's too intrusive, and there are privacy issues at stake,'' said Douglas Walker, a spokesman for the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, the federal government's human resources agency. "We don't want to be Big Brother.''
 

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/OFFICE+ROMANCES+BLOOMING%3B+RULES+BEING+REVISED+AS+TRENDS+SHOW+RISE+IN...-a083810555
Vettor  
#9 Posted : Wednesday, March 21, 2012 8:15:44 AM(UTC)
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JohnQ wrote:
Thanks all, Vettor no, not veterans.


Well then it's not important. 
Veteran unemployment to 0%.
martyb  
#10 Posted : Wednesday, March 21, 2012 9:22:08 AM(UTC)
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Love is where you find it....I say go for it. 
Forum trolls to 0%
nodog  
#11 Posted : Thursday, March 22, 2012 3:02:11 AM(UTC)
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You never know. You could be passing up the "once in a life time" or you could be avoiding "Fatal Attraction" (of which you'll need to keep a close eye on your pet rabit. I would think more times than not the worst would be that the intimate relationship doesn't last forever but you still end up as friends without a big knock down drag out war kinda thing. That being said GO FOR IT before one of you gets in a stop gap relationship with someone else. You never know till you try.

     That's what I wish someone would have told me when I was young. Not that I'm not happy with the way things worked out as it is.Wink
shelter1  
#12 Posted : Thursday, March 22, 2012 5:44:47 AM(UTC)
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Where I worked in DoD, there were numerous married couples who first met at work in the office. It was never a problem. In my branch alone, there were two married couples working in the same building together for many years. They were all engineers but did not have any supervisory responsibilities over their spouse. They rode to and from work together every day and even ate lunch together. Their close relationship never had a negative impact on the rest of the branch. They always conducted themselves in a professional manner. Romances are bound to happen when people spend so much time together. These four even shared the same job title and series. They had so much in common and shared the same interests.



Fed1969  
#13 Posted : Thursday, March 22, 2012 6:22:53 AM(UTC)
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We had a few romances that became marriages in the office.  It seems about half ended in divorce.  However I understand this is close to the normal divorce rate.
Kathi52  
#14 Posted : Thursday, March 22, 2012 9:29:29 AM(UTC)
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Thank you shelter1, exactly! I met my husband at work (DOD) and know of 10 couples right now (personal friends of ours) that either met at work (DOD) or were already married. And many, many more couples came in during BRAC when we consolidated sites. It isn't a big deal provided, as you stated, not having the same supervisor. When you work in a building with 3000 people; many more now, you're bound to meet people. And you are right, everyone I knew always conducted themselves in a professional manner. I never did see anyone escorted from the building by security from something getting "ugly" in regards to personal relationships. It just didn't happen.    
shelter1  
#15 Posted : Thursday, March 22, 2012 11:11:01 AM(UTC)
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Kathi52 - Right. The two couples I was referring to DID in fact have the same supervisor, and it still was not a problem. What I meant was that neither of them supervised the other which would not have been allowed for obvious reasons. They worked side by side for years. In fact, one of the couples was seated right next to each other! The other couple sat in different rooms within the same building. They never brought any personal issues into the workplace. Everyone thought very highly of them. It was never, ever a problem.
Federal HR  
#16 Posted : Thursday, March 22, 2012 2:04:08 PM(UTC)
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Kathi52, I think it's a little different when you have an inter-office relationship with your boss/supervisor/director (whatever you want to call it) like you have admitted you did with your current husband. Having an inter-office relationship with your supervisor is not acceptable and very unprofessional.

You have tried to rationalize it in the past, but it is completely off limits in terms of professionalism.
15 years of federal HR experience.
Newgrad  
#17 Posted : Sunday, March 25, 2012 12:58:29 AM(UTC)
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Federal HR wrote:
Kathi52, I think it's a little different when you have an inter-office relationship with your boss/supervisor/director (whatever you want to call it) like you have admitted you did with your current husband. Having an inter-office relationship with your supervisor is not acceptable and very unprofessional.

You have tried to rationalize it in the past, but it is completely off limits in terms of professionalism.


+1
I'm here to set the record straight, tell the truth about federal hiring, and to expose things for what they really are. -Newgrad
Kathi52  
#18 Posted : Sunday, March 25, 2012 2:38:12 AM(UTC)
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Wow, two trolls at once! He was NOT my boss/director nor supervisor! He was a co-worker! Let me put it to you trolls clearly so you can understand it. Within a Directorate there are branches. I was in once branch, he was in another. I had a different supervisor and so did he. Since the Commander didn't have a problem with it or with any of the other couples, I don't know why you two would LOL! And he was a TEAM LEADER at one time without the "S" as in Supervisory behind his name. Hello! And if it so unprofessional, why are there HUNDREDS of married couples still working together? Geesh, I could name ten I know personally right off the top of my head! DOD is huge and if you expect that people don't meet in their own place of work just as they do in the private sector, then you are very ill-informed....obviously LOL!

Oh, and since we are on the topic of interpersonal relationships Federal HR. You, above all else, should know full good and well that recent legislation was introduced to same sex COUPLES to obtain the same benefits the rest of us have. Of which I am not and personally don't care. So where's your and Newgrad's outrage? Isn't that just so unprofessional? Oh, how awful that same sex couples should be allowed to even meet and greet! Geesh! According to your troll logic, NO ONE should be a couple. I guess the Federal Government views it differently don't they?!   But you are a FEDERAL HR professional right? Kathi522012-03-25 11:23:57
Newgrad  
#19 Posted : Sunday, March 25, 2012 3:21:42 AM(UTC)
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Kathi52 wrote:
Wow, two trolls at once! He was NOT my boss/director nor supervisor! He was a co-worker! Let me put it to you trolls clearly so you can understand it. Within a Directorate there are branches. I was in once branch, he was in another. I had a different supervisor and so did he. Since the Commander didn't have a problem with it or with any of the other couples, I don't know why you two would LOL! And he was a TEAM LEADER at one time without the "S" as in Supervisory behind his name. Hello! And if it so unprofessional, why are there HUNDREDS of married couples still working together? Geesh, I could name ten I know personally right off the top of my head! DOD is huge and if you expect that people don't meet in their own place of work just as they do in the private sector, then you are very ill-informed....obviously LOL!


It was a supervisory position. Kathi talked about it in quite a few of her 500+ posts on this forum about her husband. Just go back and read the post history before she deletes them. Oh, and she was also hired because she is a preference spouse and fails to admit that fact as well. Keep in mind this is all coming from someone who wants Sarah Palin to be president.
I'm here to set the record straight, tell the truth about federal hiring, and to expose things for what they really are. -Newgrad
Kathi52  
#20 Posted : Sunday, March 25, 2012 3:33:45 AM(UTC)
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Yes, everyone, please read all of my posts! Bye bye Newgrad...have things to do today. :)
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