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JohnQ  
#1 Posted : Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:20:11 AM(UTC)
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Sincere 40+ Federal employee seeking any good Federal HR managers advice. Currently single professional federal worker and have a really positive mutual chemistry and mutual attraction to another single Federal emplyee in same agency. We dont have any oversight in any capacity of each others duties and are not involved in each others reporting chain. I am at a higher grade (GS) level by about 3 grades (15 to 12). My mutual interest has been employed at the agency longer than I by about 4 years, so we had nothing to do with each others employement. we simply truly just met at work and are both single and have a mutual interest in each other. Just seeking any advice on where i can find the general Federal rules/regulations that address possible relationships in the workplace. Thanks for any info assistance.
SpankyFrost  
#2 Posted : Wednesday, March 21, 2012 10:41:13 PM(UTC)
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JohnQ wrote:
Sincere 40+ Federal employee seeking any good Federal HR managers advice. Currently single professional federal worker and have a really positive mutual chemistry and mutual attraction to another single Federal emplyee in same agency. We dont have any oversight in any capacity of each others duties and are not involved in each others reporting chain. I am at a higher grade (GS) level by about 3 grades (15 to 12). My mutual interest has been employed at the agency longer than I by about 4 years, so we had nothing to do with each others employement. we simply truly just met at work and are both single and have a mutual interest in each other. Just seeking any advice on where i can find the general Federal rules/regulations that address possible relationships in the workplace. Thanks for any info assistance.
 
You won't find anything in writing of "what is allowed".  From what I see described, I don't see anything wrong with it.  However, that is in a general clause.  If you or the other are in a supervisory/management position, that can be construed by co-workers as favortism.  You indicated about "oversight", but that means really nothing in the eyes of courts.  Of course if co-workers complain, it would be up to them to prove anything.  But keep in mind, a soundful judge sometimes do not need hard factual evidence... presumption is sometimes all that is needed, along with "show of cause"...
 
I have no advice other that to say keep work at work and personal out of work!!!!
 
monster  
#3 Posted : Sunday, March 25, 2012 7:01:02 AM(UTC)
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A non-manager 15 looking for relationship with a GS-12 in the same office = a GS15 without ANY aspirations.
Angel1955  
#4 Posted : Thursday, April 12, 2012 8:04:45 PM(UTC)
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I agree - keep it separate = it will put her at a disadvantage - - even if she deserved the highest evaluation - as soon as there is a connection - her work expertise becomes secondary -sets her up for not so friendly comments and worse - if you two got together and break up - there is nothing worse then having to face each other every morning - it is not a win-win situation
lorsteluc  
#5 Posted : Friday, April 13, 2012 1:09:46 AM(UTC)
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John, how about if you transfer to another agency?  If you feel as you do, you are senior enough to move to another agency without any potential of harming her career if you are either in a great relationship (best wishes) or it does not work out.
dhacker56  
#6 Posted : Friday, April 13, 2012 1:35:13 AM(UTC)
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monster wrote:
A non-manager 15 looking for relationship with a GS-12 in the same office = a GS15 without ANY aspirations.


How many aspirations could he have...  he has 40 years in already. More than likely retirement is not too far in the future.
frankgonzalez  
#7 Posted : Friday, April 13, 2012 2:34:08 AM(UTC)
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monster wrote:
A non-manager 15 looking for relationship with a GS-12 in the same office = a GS15 without ANY aspirations.
Where does he say he is not a manager?   He said he was not in HER management chain (or vice versa).   This is NOT the same as saying he is not a manager period.
hearth  
#8 Posted : Friday, April 13, 2012 2:51:56 AM(UTC)
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I very much admire how conscientious you are regarding this, John.  With 40+ years in on your part, and more than that on her part, my thinking is opposite of what many on here have expressed.  No, you aren't going to find in writing anything against the relationship you are referring to, and yes, it's possible that others may not be fair in any assumptions regarding the effects of the relationship on employment or opportunities.  However, with that much career behind both of you I would consider the relationship to be more important.  Yup!  Look at it like this - finding a good companion and establishing a meaningful relationship at your age is likely more important than years of career ahead of you, and I guarantee you that in retirement you will need it.  Get a life - you've earned it, she's earned it, and let the people who knock you for it sulk.  I'm not by any means encouraging you to ruin your career, just take a good look at what is going to keep you happy on the long, cold, lonely nights after you retire.  Seems to me that you should both retire and reap the benefits of human companionship.  It will serve you better than governmental stewardship at this point!!  Enjoy life to its fullest!!

dhacker56  
#9 Posted : Friday, April 13, 2012 2:58:55 AM(UTC)
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He cannot "ruin" his career!!  He can retire at any time!  Unless he started when he was 13.

hearth  
#10 Posted : Friday, April 13, 2012 3:06:13 AM(UTC)
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dhacker56 wrote:
He cannot "ruin" his career!!  He can retire at any time!  Unless he started when he was 13.


I should have phrased it differently - something like "don't do something to go out leaving a bad impression ruining the good work you've done during your career".  That was my whole point in that he wouldn't ruin his career and should be more concerned about good companionship than effects on career.  I'm thinking that I also might have mistaken age for years in service - maybe 40 years of age, not 40+ years of service.  That could make a difference, but I'd still go for the meaningful relationship kept low-key and not at all flaunted.
dhacker56  
#11 Posted : Friday, April 13, 2012 3:08:21 AM(UTC)
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Hearth  you are correct...  I might have misread that also.  sorry for my belligerence.

monster  
#12 Posted : Tuesday, April 17, 2012 11:17:09 AM(UTC)
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frankgonzalez wrote:
monster wrote:
A non-manager 15 looking for relationship with a GS-12 in the same office = a GS15 without ANY aspirations.
Where does he say he is not a manager?   He said he was not in HER management chain (or vice versa).   This is NOT the same as saying he is not a manager period.
40+ years in...and asking these kind of questions?
Think about that.
 
Something smells weird.
monster  
#13 Posted : Tuesday, April 17, 2012 11:21:08 AM(UTC)
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hearth wrote:
I very much admire how conscientious you are regarding this, John.  With 40+ years in on your part, and more than that on her part, my thinking is opposite of what many on here have expressed.  No, you aren't going to find in writing anything against the relationship you are referring to, and yes, it's possible that others may not be fair in any assumptions regarding the effects of the relationship on employment or opportunities.  However, with that much career behind both of you I would consider the relationship to be more important.  Yup!  Look at it like this - finding a good companion and establishing a meaningful relationship at your age is likely more important than years of career ahead of you, and I guarantee you that in retirement you will need it.  Get a life - you've earned it, she's earned it, and let the people who knock you for it sulk.  I'm not by any means encouraging you to ruin your career, just take a good look at what is going to keep you happy on the long, cold, lonely nights after you retire.  Seems to me that you should both retire and reap the benefits of human companionship.  It will serve you better than governmental stewardship at this point!!  Enjoy life to its fullest!!
Hmmmmm...interesting point. I have to admit that you make a VERY good point. One that is worth considering, now that you put it that way. Interesting indeed.
Angel1955  
#14 Posted : Tuesday, May 01, 2012 1:39:20 PM(UTC)
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i saw a relationship QUICKLY STOPPED by a superior military officer - someone always gets hurt - especially in office relationships
wizard  
#15 Posted : Tuesday, May 01, 2012 10:42:54 PM(UTC)
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Angel1955 wrote:
superior military officer
isn't that an oxymoron?
Tongue
cerulean  
#16 Posted : Wednesday, May 09, 2012 11:31:32 AM(UTC)
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Exactly where in JohnQ's post does it say that his interoffice relationship partner is a "she?"
hearth  
#17 Posted : Wednesday, May 09, 2012 8:24:14 PM(UTC)
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cerulean wrote:

Exactly where in JohnQ's post does it say that his interoffice relationship partner is a "she?"


You're totally right!  Although I like to think of myself as having a completely open mind, here's proof that isn't the case.  One should never assume much of anything, and I did.  My comments would not change a bit, though - still supportive of pursuing the relationship in a quiet manner, as before.

spacecowboy  
#18 Posted : Wednesday, May 09, 2012 11:26:10 PM(UTC)
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What consenting adults choose to do in their free time, away from work, should not be an issue in the work environment, unless it negatively impacts the mission.
Knight  
#19 Posted : Wednesday, May 09, 2012 11:52:56 PM(UTC)
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We all agree on that but do you risk an interoffice relationship imploding or should you not date in house? I never date in my shop or even in my agency. I don't want my private life exposed to coworkers, especially if the ex is hostile. I've seen to many people get damaged from interoffice conflicts.
StellaMaris  
#20 Posted : Thursday, May 10, 2012 4:50:12 AM(UTC)
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Enjoy the fun of your relationship.  Yeah, it's a risk...particularly if it doesn't work out.  But life has no guarantees....and just what if it really does work out and you didn't take the risk.
 
My suggestion - try to maintain a matured, healthy relationship and mutually agree that if it doesn't work out, bow out gracefully.
 
It's worth the risk to me.  Clap
Great Spirit, let me not judge another until I have walked in his moccasins a moon or two.
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